I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
