So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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