I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
