Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
