And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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