you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
