you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
