Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
