dude i'm inner monologue high
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
