Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
