yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
