his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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