wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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