Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
