Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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