btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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