So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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