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i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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