also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
