just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
