I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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