I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
