There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
