Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
