u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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