she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
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I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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