I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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