There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
