i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
