I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
