Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
