Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
