i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
