I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i love accidental penises.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
