It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
