just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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