Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
