So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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