She is in my trunk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
