Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
