I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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