I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
