yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
