i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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