My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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