I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
