I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
