after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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