Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
