so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
