so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
