Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
