is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
