do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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