is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
