I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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