I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
