Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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