how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
