I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
