whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
