What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
