**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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