I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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