I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
